Intercourse after 60 or 70 may be satisfying: 6 intercourse therapist tips

Nice conversation with older people starts with believing it’s possible and speaking up when you need to change.

Many people want to enjoy their golden years, but how? How about hobbies, travel, and spoiling your grandchildren? How about nice conversation?

The Gerontologist published a study last month on how well sexual expectations match reality over time.

This story is from the April 30 NPR Well Being e-newsletter, which promotes healthy living. Click here to subscribe for more stories like this in your inbox.

In the MIDUS (Midlife in the US) study, many partnered adults 45 and older were asked to rate their relationship satisfaction 10 years from now. Researchers contacted contributors a decade later.

Their findings suggest optimistic thinking.

Positively expecting members had more frequent and satisfying intercourse than those with lower expectations. Additionally, “sexually optimistic” people who developed physical limitations they did not have ten years earlier, such as pain that made it harder to carry groceries or exercise, reported more frequent intercourse than those with lower sexual expectations and no such limitations.

Senior sexuality therapist Natalie Wilton says it’s no surprise that older people are pessimistic about intercourse.

We buy into many harmful tropes and stereotypes as a society, making it hard for older adults to talk about intercourse. Like the dirty old man or the cougar, and even infantilizing. The sight of two older adults makes us go “cute!” They have arms, right? We’re like, “Oh, that’s bizarre” when they do something sexual.

She says these norms discourage healthy sexuality discussion for older people, which could hold them back when they have to change their bedtime routine.

After menopause, Wilton offers guidance on maintaining a healthy sexual life through lubrication and communication. She says, “I am always amazed at how people are shocked about speaking about intercourse and older adults, prefer it is always this nice revelation.” If something was good right now, why stop?

She says departure from sexual satisfaction is pointless now with some changes. Some of her suggestions.

1. Roll gradually.

Planning for extra conversation time is her biggest advice. Our sexual response cycle—the time it takes to be aroused before and between sexual activity—slows with age. Wilton says girls may need more time and contact to overcome “my thoughts is there however my physique’s not fairly there yet.” For people with medical conditions that worsen at night, she recommends morning or afternoon sexual exercise.

2. Set up the mattress

“Mobility is a large problem,” Wilton says, but seniors have options. Props may also relieve pain. There are many benches, wedges, and other items on the market, but you can also use pillows from your own home. Change of location can also help.

Some sexual exercise foam wedges can be found cheaper at medical supply stores or on Amazon under the name “again assist.”

3. Try the online toy store

Nice conversation boils down to planning. Wilton advises having the supplies you need. One thing like lube is nice for old girls.”

She also encourages customers to try new toys. “It’s truly a very nice experience to enter a conversation store, but it’s pretty cool that we can log on and search for issues that, you know, maybe if we don’t feel comfortable and even live in a small city that doesn’t have good access to that type of stuff,” she says. Many drugstores sell toys and lubricant.

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4. Discuss new connection methods confidently.

Wilton advises buyers to redefine intimacy and interaction and be flexible so as not to “get in your head about it” if something doesn’t work. “Say your partner can’t get an erection or seems irritable. Not “oh my goodness, they don’t want to be with me.” That’s terrible. We must stop.

She suggests adapting and trying something new. She suggests snuggling, giving each other a therapeutic massage, or contacting each other differently. “Just give that point and space for things to move and flow more organically.”

5. Anticipate medication side effects.

Wilton advises asking questions and advocating for yourself at the doctor’s office. “Issues like diabetes, coronary heart disease, Parkinson’s, and the host of other issues we’re likely to see more generally as people get older usually have a sexual side effect based on the illness itself, or many of the medications may have a side effect,” she says.

6. Trust the best

Wilton says older relationships may be the best of your life, despite challenges.

After age, we usually gain more self-confidence. Yes, you recognize what? I like me as I am. Most people, as they get older, stop caring about these less important issues, which I think improves relational life.

Wilton suggests Joan Value’s books and website for more on “ageless sexuality.”

These interviews and stories offer advice and reflection on keeping the heat on as you age.

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